It happens at the movies. It happens on trains and planes. It happens anywhere we encounter another human being. I am talking about Rude Talkers.
We all encounter people who act as if their conversations are more important than ours. They seem to feel they are entitled to take up as much of the conversational airspace as they want.
Here’s the story of my Rude Talker encounter.
I am sitting beside the pool at a Florida hotel, ready to relax. A woman nearby is loudly negotiating a real estate deal on her cell phone. “I can get it for you at the right price, and you can always rip out those bathrooms,” she squawks. Looks are tossed her way from every lounge chair—and not one person makes a move to restore quiet.
How might you handle this situation? Would you speak up, look away, or take some other action? As you take a look at my choices, I invite you to consider what you would do?
Choice One: Retreat
One option is to use a passive responsive to tune out the offending chatter, even though we’re feeling annoyed and our anger is rising. We can choose to retreat into ourselves by focusing on our book, meditating or doing whatever it takes to stay in our present moment, in spite of what is going on around us. This requires us to basically ignore the Rude Talker and take care of ourselves.
Choice Two: React
Option two is to use body language as an indirect way to react to the Rude Talker. This might be an eye-roll or loud sigh. It could possibly get the Rude Talker’s attention and serve as a reminder that that their voice is loud enough to be heard by others and is interfering with the peace and quiet of those around them.
Choice Three: Respond
Option three takes our actions up a notch and moves us to respond in an assertive, direct way. A low-level response would be to exercise an action that’s within our realm of control, such as leaving the area or moving our seat—hard to do if we’re stuck on an airplane next to a Rude Talker—though headphones help! Or we could make a polite request that might sound something like, “I’d really appreciate if you could lower your voice since I’m trying to read.” Another option might be to seek the assistance of the appropriate staff member (hotel concierge, flight attendant, etc..). By letting them know of the problem then they can respond (and we are less vulnerable to the wrath of the Rude Talker).
Choice Four: Revenge
Option four involves an aggressive or passive-aggressive action. We could yak away on our cell phone or turn up the volume on our conversation. We could dish out to the Rude Talker what they’ve been dishing out to us. Even better, we could even wait until the Rude Talker has stopped talking and then interrupt their peace and quiet with our rude behavior. Of course, as tempting as this might be, people are unpredictable, so I don’t recommend this option!
Here’s the rest of my Rude Talker story.
I thought through my options and what the impact of each might be. Here’s what followed:
- Retreat. I tried working on my mindset and focusing on my book. After rereading the same page a dozen times I realized that my resentment was interfering with the possibility of Option One working.
- React. I gave the Rude Talker a few measured , lengthy looks. We locked eyes at one point and she kept right on yakking. Failed again.
- Respond. After overhearing her long and nasty conversation, my gut instinct told me that anything I might say would turn ugly. So, I decided to stay within my realm of control. I scooped up my towel and moved as far away from the Rude Talker as possible. Situated at the other end of the pool, I was better able to tune out the Rude Talker.
- Revenge. As I stood to leave I caught a glance of the Rude Talker, now sound asleep poolside. I had a devious lapse into fantasy, longing to plop down in a nearby chair and call my sister for a chat. With every ounce of self-control I kept on walking.
Sometimes talking to ourselves is the best choice of all.
My motto is: SAY IT, which is an acronym for: Speak and You Invite Transformation. In most situations I muster up courage and thoughtfully determine what to say. But, I’d say that this was one of those times that transformation was best achieved by simply speaking to myself. What would you say?
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My husband and I always opt for the choice you made: move. I am partially deaf so when people are talking loudly nearby, it makes it impossible for me to hear what is being said in my own conversation, so we just move. On a different note, I found a place during our recent travels where there are no rude talkers: Japan. I was so impressed with how everyone in Japan is considerate of others; it is part of their culture.
Julie, Thanks for adding your thoughts to this topic. I would imagine that loud restaurants are tough for you, and that rude talkers just exacerbate the situation. Interesting, and not surprising, to hear that there are no rude talkers in Japan. I just returned from a weekend in Toronto (where we travel often since I’m married to a Canadian) and would add that I’ve never encountered a rude talker there either!
I had a similar experience when I was shopping. A woman was next to me at the store displays, talking loudly into her cell phone. I politely asked her to take her conversation elsewhere. She looked at me like I was the rude one. So I moved on – which was the safest thing to do.
I love how you added that the Rude Talkers often make us feel like we’re the rude ones! You’re so right that moving on can often be the safest choice. Sometimes that’s hard for me though, but I’m getting better at it!
My first instinct, after reading your 4 options, might have been to bend down and whisper loudly in her sleeping ear, “You are a very rude person.” and walk away. I don’t mind a little personal risk and it would have made me feel some vindication. One good turn sometimes does deserve another. xo
I would like to be there to see that!
I appreciate the issue raised and actions suggested. It is very much true that rude talkers are present at almost every walk of lives. They have only one agenda- get their work done by hook or by crooks. They are generally self centric people and not concerned about the impact of their behaviors on others. They are opportunists people by nature. I agree with the multiple approach to deal with them. However, I would rather believe to react them by using non verbal signs. This will save ourselves from being furious or disturbed later. It would be better to avoid such people.But it is absolutely essential to deal with them, one must be tough to teach and realize them. One should be straightforward in answering such people. At the same time, one should provide strong non agreement non verbal signal.
Thanks, Ajay, for adding your thoughtful comments. I agree with your sense of rude people being self-centered and also that we should protect our rights, whether non-verbally or with carefully chosen words.
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